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week 11 Lydia

Page history last edited by PBworks 15 years, 5 months ago
  •  coversheet

 

Teenage love

 

 

 

What is your thesis? How did this particular argument come about?

 

Thesis:

 

“Oh, to be young and in love.”

 

I believe ‘love’ to be the most impossible word to define in the universal language because it depends on so many factors such as the past experiences of an individual, their role models, and their goals.

 

 

 

This particular subject came to mind because it is one of few subjects I feel strongly about, other than the other one’s that have already been taken by other people. =] I am also curious to write about it – to see if I can form such an anti-fact into a persuasive essay.

 

 

 

Who's your audience and what techniques do you use to make your writing speak to their concerns and interests?

 

My audience being my English comp 1 class is drawn to my writing because it usually includes something of interest. This subject alone is a difficult one to tackle and one that many I’m sure will have disputing opinions on. Throughout my writing I tend to include casual humorous remarks to lighten the mood and to create more of an argument. I find this enables the reader to actually comprehend the facts I am throwing at them instead of mindlessly scanning them. The more thought process I can stiumulate within the reader, the better response and constructive criticism I will get in return.

 

 

 

 

 

Upon reviewing your completed composition (and process), what aspect of your work (or it's process) most surprised you?

 

I am a bit disappointed with how it all came together and I realized it is harderthan I thought to convey how I feel about something, explaining it without a bias tone, and eventually make me statement with a continuous flow.

 

 

 

Did you learn anything new while growing your composition? Explain. When you use secondary sources, do those sources contribute to ethos, logos, or pathos appeals

 

I used a few everyday facts in there that should appeal to logics as they contain numerical information. The subject of love with always appeal to a person’s pathos, and we touched on feelings of ethics when culture came into play

  • rough draft

 

To define love is to cut a hole in smoke. You can imagine you did, and convince yourself that you did, but all the while it was impossible. I believe love to be the hardest universal word to define simply because it depends on so many factors such as one’s past experience, role models, their goals and what morals all of this eventually instilled inside their minds.

It is generally believed that the sole purpose of life on earth is for procreation. We were simply put on this earth to find the other person that makes us tick and eventually produce offspring. This arises many questions such as is there someone for everyone? Is fate involved? Is love just the intense feeling of lust? The questions are never-ending and I’m sure change with every person. However, there are 3 main groups. Love is everywhere. Love is rare. Love is nonexistent.

Those who believe love is everywhere were usually surrounded by a loving family who did not get divorced, rarely fought, and always kept their chins up. These people tend to confess their undying love for more than a couple people rather soon in the relationship. These fortunate souls also believe in love at first sight and that anything is possible.

The ‘Love is nonexistent’ category consists of those who were surrounded by fighting and had relationships end badly either with death, fidelity, or consistent disappointment. Their surroundings have given them no reason to think optimistically and therefore it hinders their ability to try in their relationships. Again these are broad categories and there are exceptions to everything.

The final category is for realists who are not optimists nor pessimistic so to say, but simply go with the flow. They believe the matter of ‘true love’ is a rare one, and only few people are lucky enough to find their true soul mate. These subjects have balanced experiences of bad and good relationships, either ones involving themselves and a significant other or a relative relationship they were constantly around.

Other factors include the time period each relationship occurred in, weather their own or the one influencing their morals. During the 60’s, war was constantly being ensued and it was normal for teenagers to get married before their big strapping men were sent off to war. To most of these families, the catholic belief that divorce was simply unacceptable prohibited them from ever facing reality – though an equal portion was just as happy as the others were miserable. Today, woman are now chasing their dreams and pursuing careers which has increased the age at which most women get married. Culture is also a very important factor for some countries such as those in Africa base their economic living off their children. The more family members, the quicker the chores get done and more food can be harvested which encourages marriage. Past experiences that could hinder triumphs of ‘love’ could be a young abortion that left a stain on the heart, or even a first boyfriend who broke your trust so badly it is no longer worth the risk. Awful things happen to couples everyday such as beatings, rapes, and infidelities; and in a world full of hate, it makes it just as hard to see past the dark and strive for the light on the other side of the un-cut-able smoke.

This is where the conversation begins to take form. I believe it is improbable that love is attainable before a certain age. I believe the term ‘love’ is thrown around too easily and therefore has lost meaning. If ‘I love you’ is not longer a statement to be taken seriously, then the basis of life will change. (more so for girls, but that’s not the point J ) it makes me sick to watcha 16 year old girl walk up to her boyfriend of a 4 days and say I love you, then followed by the breakup not that has mascara trickeling down it. As a member of the ‘realistic’ category, love is rare, and love is not easily attained nor simply forgotten. To love someone is to enjoy that person for who they are body, mind, and soul, bad days or good. To accept that there are going to be rough times where fighting is necessary and some compensation might be needed but not enough to compromise who you are. This brings me to my point associated with age. With age, comes experience ; with experience comes knowledge ; and with knowledge comes wisdom. The mistakes and choices every person makes in their younger teenage years defines their decisions later, and everything happens for a reason. Whether it’s recognizable or not, a previous decision changes your next move. You can’t move the knight piece if a pawn is in your way. Once the pawn is moved however, there could be a better action than previously conceived. The possibility of the queen swiftly moving across the board on a person’s first time playing, however it does happen. To make general statement about young love existing is insane.

More than half of today’s marriages are lost to divorce and I believe it to be afflicted by the rush into relationships at such an early age and the casual use of the phrase “I love you.” Babies are being born earlier than generally desired and our economic standing is being affected by our high divorce rates. Though the divorce courts give people jobs, this world would be better off without it. Fixing these rates could alter the percentage of each ‘love category’ and put more happiness into the world, possibly truly fulfilling our ‘purpose’ of being here. To find love is rare in itself, to be young and in love is even rarer. Don’t settle, but don’t be stubborn. Don’t forget who you are but remember who you want to become.

 

  • peer reviews AND reflections

         1. ALEX MOSER ---  I agree with a lot of what you have to say. Love is a strong subject that with the help of Hollywood and the media is being misconstrued. Teenagers and the youth of America are getting taught the wrong message of what love is. There are so many contexts that love can be used in today , the family, friends, or relationships. Many of us say we love certain foods, stores, places, songs or movies. Because of this in a sense slang use of love it is being carried over into relationships. This is not something that everyone relates to. It does have to deal with the environment you are raised in. Over all your paper was very well organized and you picked a topic that meant something to you. Good Job i enjoyed reading it.

           Alex:

                   Thank you very much for your comments, it has helped me to better my opinions and make them stronger.

 

 

        2. Liz Wilson---

I definitely agree with what you are saying that love comes with time and experience. It's not something that comes around very often, the word has definitely lost its value because of all the meangingless 'relationships' where so many people are in 'love.' I'm still kind of iffy on where you stand on the issue... maybe find a clearer way to state the cause and effect of love? Do you think love complicates things or people complicate love?

I like how you put your opinion into your writing without being overbearing. I can easily relate with what you are saying and your opening and closing statements captivate the audience.

 

I have to admit then I came back and read Becky's peer edit on your paper (to help me help you :)...)and I think that it is awesome that there are genuine people who understand love and what it takes to find love. I think there are many different forms of love and you can be in a relationship where you love a lot of qualites about the person, but you will never realize what love is until it comes around. You may think you love someone, but then you break up and you are heartbroken... and let's say the next guy you meet turns out to be the love of your life. It's something that hits you all at once and you can't feel it until it's been there. But when it's there you know it.

 

                        Liz:

                              Thank you for your helpful comments, specifically where to make my opinion clearer. This will definitely help me to make my essay stronger and assist me ultimately in the end with our final project where i intend to bring all of them together. As for your second peer edit - i agree that there are different degrees of love, however my essay was based upon true love.  Ultimately i believe it is something you must learn to trust in. To believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason. This is where most people are at a loss, because they simply cannot trust in the unknown and have a hard time just flowing.

 

 

          3. BECKY'S EDIT:

I do agree with your view that in most cases the words "i love you" gets tossed around meaninglessly and most people use it to describe an overwhelming feeling of liking someone way too fast. I, myself have a boyfriend that i feel i do genually love, i've dated around ALOT in highschool and when im with him i really feel im complete in a way. He's the first person I've ever felt this around. This sounds corny and I'm totally stealing this quote from wedding crashers but i have to agree "TRUE love is the souls recognition of its counterpoint in another." Its something you are not physically looking for, however, its there, your soul feels it.

I, also agree that if you did grow up in a home with divorced parents, listening to fights, or, watching a parent date around relationship to relationship then yes, your idea of love can be extremly altered. You've never seen it for yourself. I am gonna say my parents were highschool sweethearts and have been married for 25 years. also, my sister has been with the same boy for 5 years (since her junior year in highschool). So, i feel i have been surrounded by love and know what it feels like to be love and i really feel it is unfortuante that people feel they are inncapable of loving or to feel it from another. However, love is not lost. you will find it, you just have to give it time. The best things worth finding are things that we weren't even looking for.

 

                       Becky:  Thanks for reading my casusal argument. I really respect your comments and where you're coming from. I truly believe that true love is rare to find, and those who are lucky enough to find it will have a more fulfilling life than the rest of us i'm sure. If you truly have, I am completely jealous and utterly happy for you. congradulations Becky, i wish you the best. =] great steal btw - wedding crashers is my favorite movie! (well... second, only to ps i love you hahah go figure)

 

     4. LAUREN DOW'S EDIT:

 

 YOU WOULD. Just kidding. The way you began your essay is what drew me in, the metaphor of defining love being a hole in smoke. Then I continued reading and found more metaphors which made your essay different, enjoyable to read (also the fact that it's a topic that entrigues most girls). "With age, comes experience ; with experience comes knowledge ; and with knowledge comes wisdom." This is absolutely right, however I feel that there is a point where you can fall in love young, but to actually understand it comes with time and age. People can find love, different types of love. But to find that real, passionate, "true" love is definitly rare. How many people end up in divorce and heart breaking situations? Writing wise you did very well, there weren't any issues that I could find. Good job Apple Sauce.

 

 

                    --Lauren:   If 'applesauce' comes back to haunt me as it did througout my middle school life, i shall find you, and torture you as well one love! =p other than that, thanks for your comments. I am completely jealous of those lucky enough to find it, and i wish you luck. =]

 

 

  • final draft

 

     To define love is to cut a hole in smoke. You can imagine you did, and convince yourself that you did, but all the while it was impossible. I believe love to be the hardest universal word to define simply because it depends on so many factors such as one’s past experience, role models, their goals and what morals all of this eventually instilled inside their minds.

     It is generally believed that the sole purpose of life on earth is for procreation. We were simply put on this earth to find the other person that makes us tick and eventually produce offspring. This arises many questions such as is there someone for everyone? Is fate involved? Is love just the intense feeling of lust? The questions are never-ending and I’m sure change with every person. However, there are 3 main groups. Love is everywhere. Love is rare. Love is nonexistent.

     Those who believe love is everywhere were usually surrounded by a loving family who did not get divorced, rarely fought, and always kept their chins up. These people tend to confess their undying love for more than a couple people rather soon in the relationship. These fortunate souls also believe in love at first sight and that anything is possible.

     The ‘Love is nonexistent’ category consists of those who were surrounded by fighting and had relationships end badly either with death, fidelity, or consistent disappointment. Their surroundings have given them no reason to think optimistically and therefore it hinders their ability to try in their relationships. Again these are broad categories and there are exceptions to everything.

     The final category is for realists who are not optimists nor pessimistic so to say, but simply go with the flow. They believe the matter of ‘true love’ is a rare one, and only few people are lucky enough to find their true soul mate. These subjects have balanced experiences of bad and good relationships; either ones involving themselves and a significant other or a relative relationship they were constantly around. The consistent believe is that everything happens for a reason, and if you can’t run from it, and you can’t fight it, flow with it.

     Other factors include the time period each relationship occurred in, weather their own or the one influencing their morals. During the 60’s, war was constantly being ensued and it was normal for teenagers to get married before their big strapping men were sent off to war. To most of these families, the catholic belief that divorce was simply unacceptable prohibited them from ever facing reality – though an equal portion was just as happy as the others were miserable. Today, woman are now chasing their dreams and pursuing careers which has increased the age at which most women get married. Culture is also a very important factor for some countries such as those in Africa that base their economic living standards off their children. The more family members, the quicker the chores get done and more food can be harvested which encourages marriage. Past experiences that could hinder triumphs of ‘love’ could be a young abortion that left a stain on the heart, or even a first boyfriend who broke your trust so badly it is no longer worth the risk. Awful things happen to couples everyday such as beatings, rapes, and infidelities; and in a world full of hate, it makes it just as hard to see past the dark and strive for the light on the other side of the un-cutable smoke.

     This is where the conversation begins to take form. I believe it is improbable that love is attainable before a certain age. I believe the term ‘love’ is thrown around too easily and therefore has lost meaning. If ‘I love you’ is no longer a statement to be taken seriously, then the basis of life will change. It personally makes me sick to watch a 16 year old girl walk up to her boyfriend of 4 days and say I love you, shortly followed by a breakup letter from his wingman that is slowly receiving more blotches of mascara. As a member of the ‘realistic’ category, love is rare, and love is not easily attained nor simply forgotten. To love someone is to enjoy that person for who they are body, mind, and soul, bad days or good. To accept that there are going to be rough times where fighting is necessary and some compensation might be needed but not enough to compromise who you are. This brings me to my point associated with age. With age, comes experience; with experience comes knowledge; and with knowledge comes wisdom. The necessary mistakes and choices every person makes in their younger teenage years define their decisions later. Whether it’s recognizable or not, a previous decision changes your next move. You can’t move the knight piece if a pawn is in your way. Once the pawn is moved however, there could be a better action than previously conceived. Basically, get fundamentals of life out of the way, then worry about the complicated stuff. There is no reason to rush the game, and the possibility of the queen swiftly moving across the board on a person’s first time playing is unlikely, however it does happen with the right moves. Similarly, young love is unlikely, but possible.

     Furthermore, over half of today’s marriages are lost to divorce and I believe it to be afflicted by the rush into relationships at such an early age and the casual use of the phrase "I love you." Babies are being born earlier than generally desired and our economic standing is being affected by our high divorce rates. Though the divorce courts give people jobs, this world would be better off without it. Fixing these rates could alter the percentage of each ‘love category’ and put more happiness into the world, possibly truly fulfilling our ‘purpose’ of being here. To find love is rare in itself, to be young and in love is even rarer. Don’t settle, but don’t be stubborn. Don’t forget who you are but remember who you want to become.

     To define love is as if to cut a hole into smoke. Impossible as it may be, people will never stop trying. Why? I believe it’s Because it is what ultimately drives us to survive. To find that other person that makes us whole and allows us to have children that we can raise to do the same and better this world. Although my point stands that love is too frequently said, commonly undermined, and regularly rushed, it unquestionably can exist at all ages. My final words to those of the other distant ‘groups’: Be realistic, be hopeful, but most of all, be yourself.

  • graphical representation

 

 rought draft --->   free thought writing.   ---> re-reading to form basic thoughts, and better construct what would go into which paragraphs and where they would be placed. ---> re-write.

final draft ---> taking what comments peers wrote on my page ---> going back and making my points more clear and ultimately making a better closing paragraph.

 

http://img224.imageshack.us/img224/9553/giveyoumyheartse3.jpg

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