Roshi7

Roshi7 Grading Grid 

The problem with "sustain-ability."

Introduction

Thesis and Method:

My attempt is to discuss the use, and overuse, of terminology in relation to the subject of sustain-ability.  Using historical references, intermixed with some "humor," I put forth the notion that concepts can be changed to suit agendas and economic profit.  The use of the internet allows shifting of ideas frequently, with the ability to "tab" different bits of information simultaneously.  I feel that the use of hyperlinks are a creative tool, attempting a degree of artistry that is unique to the medium.  Ideally, wikis and blogging can be used with flexibility that is not found in other forms of communication.  Imagine reading a traditional 'zine and trying to follow cultural and literal references.  An entire library with a substantial investment of time would be needed.  With a current internet browser and a few clicks of the mouse (the magic wand of the internet age) the reader gets an insight into the mind of the writer.  As the modern age becomes more fragmented and attention spans shorten, the internet - as did comics before - can freeze several moments in time and compresses them into a single frame. Comics take time to produce and fine tune. Wikis are more immediate. The fluidity of news cycles, real time and up-to-the-minute communication can be distilled into entertainment that can inform as well. As we change and flow through life, the wiki can quickly adapt, illustrating unlimited points of view through the prism of the writer. Humor is a major component because we learn so much more when we are laughing.

Audience:

One method I prefer is hyperbole - exaggeration.  My attempt is a weak comparison to Jonathan Swift, who wrote "A Modest Proposal" in 1729, where Swift advocated the solution to both poverty and hunger in 18th century Ireland was for the poor to cook and eat their own children. An absurd notion, for the record.  I wrote for an audience that has a basic familiarity with the term "sustain-ability," and needed to be reminded that reality can be effected by several factors.  I like to exaggerate an idea to "push the envelope" and to show how easily the extreme can be achieved through methods that are not overtly visible. My essay emphasizes Pathos, by attempting to elicit emotional responses.  By a peppering of some historical and cultural references, I try to add a little Logos.  By speaking confidently about several subjects, I hope to bring some Ethos.

reviewing your completed composition

I was surprised with the flow of my thoughts, once the initial idea was realized the rest seemed to flow almost effortlessly.  I attempted to interject humor into a serious subject, and was surprised with the clarity of the concept came to me.  I was surprised how the draft evolved.  I did not originally expect this subject to be my essay, but the flash of inspiration that made me write the original theme, and the interest that grew from that initial spark, was very intriguing.

learn anything new while growing your composition?

A renewed awareness of how concepts are manipulated to elicit emotional responses. The wiki concept of electronic collaboration and creative commons is much more prevelent than I expected.

secondary sources

wikipedia (as usual) was indispensable in my search, helping bring clarity to the ideas, and trying to link them together.  Google is also helpful, and I resisted the temptation to pick out only the first search results.  I wanted to use some relatively obscure sources.

advice/suggestion/question/criticism/edit was most useful/helpful?

I would appreciate as much feedback as possible.  Grammatical edits are my weakest, I could use some help there.  Feedback regarding flow of ideas is much appreciated.  Does it read well?

On your final version, where would you like to see the most feedback and attention from graders?

Does the order of ideas flow?  Are some of the references too obscure?  Did anyone understand the humor I attempted to accomplish?  Did you know Lincoln was Jewish?  He was shot in the temple!  Bada bing.....  I'll be here all week... tip your waitress...