Brandon I graded your paper as if each section was worth 25 points, below each one are the points you received

Rhetorical Knowledge    Critical Thinking, Writing and reading     Process    Knowledge of Conventions          GRAND TOTAL: 

          23                                              20                                             20                              23                                           86/ 100

Rhetorical Knowledge (23/25): Your purpose was clear. I dont agree that modeling is sustainable indefinitely. Your not always going to have the perfect smile, people age therefore your career has a certain time limit. Your paper is appealing to many audiences because it can be read by someone who has no idea about modeling, and they'll understand it better once the paper has been read. Your tone was a little too casual for my taste or an academic paper for that matter, I wouldn't have used "sumptin" because that is a certain dialect that may not be understood by your audience or cared for by your audience.

In my paper I explained how age was crucial when I explained modeling contracts.  The purpose of the paper was to tell how to have a sustainable modeling career, which is typically no more than 10 years, not proving that a modeling career is forever.  Please explain what you mean when you say my tone is too casual yet, using sumptin, was innapropriate.  Finally the audience is the class, pretty sure everyone know's what 'sumptin' is.

-Brandon

Under the rhetorical knowledge in the responsibilities one point states:

* responding to the needs of different audiences

....if your going to use the word "sumptin" i would explain it in the first sentence you used "sumptin", that was the only thing that made me think your paper had a casual tone. which i guess is ok. however i didn't knock your points for the tone. - -Savannah (please don't be offended i'm just trying to give positive feedback)

Critical Thinking Writing and Reading(20/25):

After reading your modeling paper the reader could have learned something new. I do have a big problem with your paper not being cited. If your going to say water makes your face have less pimples, this is not exactly common knowledge, therefore i feel the need for it to be cited because you must have read it somewhere to know it. Citing also makes your statement more believeable. In your cover letter you did state that this was mostly from your own knowledge i do feel that you should have got SOME of your info from another source.

Dr. Conner didn't require for us to cite our sources in our paper, also who doesn't know drinking water helps clear poors?  If it were required, I would have cited the sources I used to explain modeling industries and other topics I covered.

-Brandon

Here are two points under the critical thinking section in responsibilities on the wiki:

* finding, evaluating, analyzing, and synthesizing appropriate primary and secondary sources

* mixing: integrate your ideas with those of others

... to me that secondary sources means "cites"; and integrating means citing them.

Process (20/25):

I searched and could not find your rough draft or peer edits on your paper.Either you did not do them or you did not link them to the wiki,  This let's me know that this is your first and final draft. So you couldn't use peer feedback to revise a paper you had not written.  However you did peer review other paper's so you do receive points for taking part in some of the process.  I'm sorry I was aware that the professor allowed us to turn in our paper last Friday.  This is the first draft, not sure why you feel it's my last.  I haven't had any peer edits until now and will definitely go back and revise what's suggested.  Thanks for your feed back!

-Brandon

the process was to have a rough draft first, that i did not find on the wiki, i did search for it.  You can't help that fact that no one peer edited your paper so therefore i will  give you back points because that has nothing to do with you. =]

Knowledge of conventions (23/25):

AS mentioned in critical thinking i didn't see any citing of sources going on in your paper. You used alot of contractions too. Sometimes you need to define "it's" and "thats". Everyday is not one word it's two. I do like your format and i think your paper "flowed" well.  Yea I totally forgot about not using contractions.  That's definitely something I'll tweek in the final draft. 

-Brandon

back to week 6 

OH WOW what the fuck

LOOOOOOOOOLL  Sam did you say that ^^  ??? LOL

-Brandon