Colin I graded your paper as if each section was worth 25 points, below each one are the points you received

Rhetorical Knowledge    Critical Thinking, Writing and reading     Process    Knowledge of Conventions          GRAND TOTAL: 

            20                                                  23                                          24                            18                                         85/100    

Rhetorical Knowledge (20/25):

Your purpose was very unclear. It took getting through the first couple paragraphs to know that your paper was about music. Another thing I would have done is in the summary mention something about how the history of music made is sustainable. Seeing as sustainablitity was the supposed to be the foundation of your paper. Your paper was appropriate for any audience, you explained the evolution of music as if someone knew nothing about it. The tone and genre were different, but in a good way, i could tell you were passionate about music. Like saying you had to pay 15 or 20 dollars for a CD then bummer, meaning you would buy it  no matter what because of your love for music.

Critical Thinking Writing and Reading(23/25):

I did learn things from your writing which is good. I didn't know how long music had been around, or when certain types of music became popular. However you do need to expound upon where music came from, i need to know more about India and hte greeks and how they used music, how they made it and how it came about ELABORATE!!!! I like how your integrated the quote from Marx's showing your ideas as well as his, contrast makes for a more interesting paper =]

Process (24/25):

By going back to your reflection on peer edits, in so many words you said you changed your topic to something you knew a little more about. I think that was probably a good idea because you changed your topic to something you knew would interest you more, you also learned more about something important to you which is great. I do have to knock you for this as well. Because you could have learned something completely knew and became really passionate about it. So either way you would have lost something. You took the peer edits well and used them as positive reinforcement, you also completed your own with constructive criticism!

Knowledge of conventions (18/25):

Was great, you distinguished your text from quotes. More transitions would be nice in your next paper. A Bibliography should have been included because of all the statisitical information you gave the reader, but if you did know all those numbers you have a memory like an elephant! There were quite a few spelling errors like..."available which made it cheeper for the average person to buy. The birth of dixi and "mountain music" origonated in the 1900's as well. " I also noticed you used the word them alot, tell us who THEY are.